dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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