i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
