Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
