So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
