She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
