I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
