I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
