Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
