I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
