i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
