Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
