It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
