I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it glows. i had to have it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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