i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize