So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
