I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
