That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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