my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
