Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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