dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
