i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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