You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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