im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize