So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
