thus making me awesome and them whores
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found your dick twin last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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