I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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