I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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