Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
