The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
