I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
