you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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