He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
