What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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