Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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