dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
