I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
