I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize