i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
