Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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