Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
