i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just cropdusted the office
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
