I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
