mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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