she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I supernannyed him into submission
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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