We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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