Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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