If i come over, it means nothing
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
