we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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