My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
