I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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