a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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