i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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