either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
