OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
