is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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