it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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