Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
