on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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