i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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