I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
