your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
