he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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