i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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